I love my family, I love my friends! I love the PCP!

It's been a while.
A very long while, and a lot's happened in the meantime.
I feel like so much of my life was already in a state of flux- first, with the PCP, my body started to change bit by bit, my habits along with it. Then my grandfather's health has been something I've had to learn to accept and to experience on a day to day basis- one day up, one day down, and not knowing what the next day will bring.


Back in Kobe, it was actually lovely. The baggage with my mother was totally in my head- just a kind of defense mechanism, so that I wouldn't be too disappointed if things went awry, I suppose. She was so supportive of our PCP efforts. We arrived at the house, walked into the kitchen where large plates of steamed vegetables, steamed or baked fish, and rice was awaiting us. Nothing seasoned. For us, everything lightly steamed, and for the old guys, a little more steaming- easier on the teeth and digestion. Then different vinaigrettes and homemade condiments for those who wanted it. I felt bad anticipating a rough time with my mother!


The earthquake hit when we were on the train going to Kobe.
The French embassy having taken a very cautious stance in relation to some of the other embassies, my daughter and I left for Singapore, at the invitation of family friends. We haven't been home since before the quake.
We got stood up by Arnaud after we checked in. He joined us at the airport, had dinner with us, and then didn't get on the plane. There was the usual business to take care of, as well as supporting humanitarian efforts- a part of what his company does.
It's been quite stressful having our family split up, not knowing when or if Arnaud's joining us, and then having him come but not knowing when he's going back (he's just gone back last night) and then dealing w an almost 3 yr old who is old enough to know that something's up, but not old enough to express her feelings through verbal communication. Then there is the overwhelming, amazing, and extremely privileged process of being welcomed and invited over for lunch and for dinner, for coffee, etc etc etc.  
Right now, I think it's important to eat with my daughter and have some semblance of routine and togetherness. Normalcy, if there is such a thing. Not knowing anyone here, having been offered a place to stay (and food to share), I did not really feel comfortable refusing what was being offered, or asking for variations, exceptions, etc. In hindsight, I suppose if I were diabetic, or had religious dietary restrictions I would have mentioned them, so it kind of doesn't make sense, but in the moment, I just couldn't get my head around it.
Accepting invitations to eat together feels like a kind of lifeline right now- or at least a way to keep sane and connected to people in a new place. And offering that to my daughter is important.
So... at Patrick's very generous offer of restarting the program at another time, I've decided to do just that.
I will come back when I'm ready to take charge of my body again. I really want to. I will.
I will miss all of you, your support. I actually think now is the time I could use it most.
I don't know what he will do, but I told Arnaud that he should continue- the discipline and the exercise will keep him sane. There is a very meditative quality to the PCP that I love. It's not just a workout program. It's a way of life. I still crave veg in the morning, and do everything I can to keep it going. I love to write. It's about bringing the body, the mind, and our way of living together, by putting an intention in place and to start making a better environment and community, by starting with ourselves. By creating a sound body, and a sound mind. At least that's been my take on it.
It's not for nothing that Patrick is a yoga teacher!!!
So I thank you all for your support- everyone in this group, and all of you in the previous group who have commented on posts, checked in to see how I've been.
Hope to see you all again soon, online, or in a future workout at Patrick's, or a PCP "real-life" gathering!!!
THANKS ALL!!!!
AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!!
All the best to you all.
Keep safe, keep happy, keep taking care of yourselves- it's the best way to start taking care of others.
xxxAkiko


p.s.
by the way...
For people in my group....
10 more days to what in Kundalini Yoga, we say old habits are broken....
Yogi Bhajan says, 

40 Days:	It takes 40 days to break a habit
90 Days:	It takes 90 days to confirm the new habit
120 Days:	The new habit is who you are
1,000 Days:	You have mastered the new habit

Day 10

I couldn't wake up this morning. A friend came over and had a great time catching up, but I was exhausted from the long day and from the exercises. I climbed into bed at 1am, but was up again in a few hours when our daughter had a nightmare. I passed out while soothing her. I woke a few hours later to her tapping my shoulder, "Maman起きて。ここ○○○(娘の名前)のベッドよ。Wake up Maman, you're in my bed!" We got dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen where Arnaud had prepared both of our breakfasts before leaving for his 7:30 meeting. That's dedication. (Thanks, Arnaud!)


I am off to see my grandfather this evening- he is ill and it may be one of the last times I can see him while his spirits are relatively high. He is my hero, so it will be a difficult trip. Will be a challenge to keep everything afloat- emotions, family, reverting to old family dynamics with the parents, doing the things I want to do for myself, keeping all of that in balance.
All I know is that the exercise will keep my mind bright, yoga the spirit high, and the food my body light. 
While there will definitely be a lot of things going on this weekend, I know what my priorities are- I'll have to not beat myself up for anything I can't do over the course of the visit.
But I do need to remember to take care of myself.


See you on the other side of the weekend.
Have a great end of the week!

Day 9

TODAY'S BODY

jumprope:   

Actually managed 100 in a row!!! Woo hoo!! 

(but after that, it was 8, 15, 10....)

shoulder raises:

Another exercise which makes my upper lip twitch (!?).

eating:   

After reading a lot of posts and emails about condiments, punch and flavor, I started thinking of stuff we could do within the confines of the rules, but still satisfying our palettes.

After reading  Mimi's thought on the blue cheese dressing, I thought, Is there something we can do out of yogurt, from our breakfast allowance? Well, even though salad is not something a lot of us have in the morning, I thought about it and it led me to an old breakfast favorite that I'd abandoned- the bagel. 

I started channeling a bagel with vegetable cream cheese. A real one. (if you live in Tokyo, you can get one here. It's totally authentic. She's got all kinds- just like at home. Even better than a lot of bagels I've had in the US, that is- outside of the Tristate Area and Florida.) I didn't have all the ingredients (like chives) but I started chopping carrots, parsley, red onion. I chopped an amount equal to my veg allowance and Arnaud's.

 

I thought, why not mix this in with the yogurt tomorrow, add pepper and some seasoning, and have it as a spread on my bread tomorrow morning? Like this...

After tasting it this morning, it made me think it would've been great with some smoked salmon and dill, but my protein needs to come from eggs so scratch that. It was all right, but it still missed some kick. I added fresh garlic and it gave it the punch I wanted. Fortunately, I don't have any am meetings. 

I find low fat yogurt a bit runny- I think this would be much better with Greek or strained yogurt (in which case, not sure how we'd measure it. Will ask Patrick) and then with lemon juice and zest (if organic, and if lemon is kosher to PCP)  I read Jeff's post and thought savory yogurt concoctions would probably be good in breakfast burritos as a substitute to sour cream, as well.

The only thing is that our veg and yogurt allowance yields...

A LOT!!!! I mean, there was MUCH MORE spread than the bread itself!!!! This portion is just for me- Arnaud has another bowl like this but bigger!!!

Maybe if I'd had thicker yogurt and a bagel, I could have slathered and heaped it on, and it would look like a bona fide bagel with cream cheese coming out of the sides....

TODAY'S MIND

Further to what Arianna posted today on missing out at a fantastic restaurant- I can totally relate, as an ex-smoker. 

I guess once we get used to the "new normal", we'll feel less and less like we're missing out. As far as I know from quitting smoking, even though the idea of pleasure (of smoking, of drinking, or eating in excess, etc) is appealing, when we have a new "default" (in my case, non smoking default), if for some reason, we go back to the old pleasures, it's never as good as we thought it was going to be. I still get cigarette cravings, but every time I cave and have a drag, it's never as good- actually, it's disgusting! It feels like sandpaper in the mouth, and I ask myself why I had it! blyerck.

That said, I’m absolutely convinced there there will be times that I’m going to feel like an observer to the life that’s happening around me during the run of the PCP. In order to make the best of this, I’ve decided to create a list of things I’d like to do, to accomplish, and be mindful of over the course of the project.

There's so much that I've been meaning to do over the past couple of years. If I find myself at home more than before, then I will:

• commit to a deeper yoga practice
• spend more quality time with my family
• create a better balance between work, family life, and personal time
• sleep better, and more!!
• act: have a better attitude and concrete actions toward challenges 
• create a new habit of: prioritize, do, and balance
• get my driver’s license
• set one mini goal for myself on a weekly basis.
• organize the box of photos (that I've put off for a few years now...)
• clean out and redecorate my office

I guess it should be this AND making sure I go out, see friends (who are not on the PCP)!

This is a lot... I’m going to have to pare it down. I mean, I have exercises and chopping to do!

Good luck today, guys!!!!

Day 8 The Hookup: Going back for More

TODAY'S BODY 

materials:

I need to find a bar to do the inverted pull ups and I will also need to find a way to work through the pain during exercises tomorrow!

resistance band exercises: 

I would have loved to see myself doing the da Vincis. The visual just cracked me up! My upper lip was twitching with every pull. I'm starting out with the lowest resistance bands A. because I am so weak, and B. because I don't want to bulk up! (I'm with you, ladies, on not wanting to bulk up!) That said, I've seen some very lean looking girls in the COMPLETE! section, so I'm wondering how it all happens.

yoga+workout combination:

Postworkout / post yoga savasana was amazing. I felt totally energized and my mind went totally blank. No brain chatter.

food:

I didn't think I'd be eating so much carbs! I went to my favorite artisan bakery on Sunday to have the 90% rye that I love. I wanted to have one last hookup before I leave for PCPland. What was funny once we got our food allowances, was that Patrick has me on more carbs than I usually allow myself!!!

DAY 8 LUNCH: 4 hearty slices of artisanal 90% rye, half an avocado, mini tomatoes (actually- is this a fruit?) and a poached chicken filet.

Another funny thing: I totally didn't realize until I was midaction, that I'd drizzled olive oil on my veg, after sprinkling some spices. Habits are scary, I didn't even think about what I was doing!!!


In the spirit of "You are what you eat", I've made a little printout of our diets with our inspiration pics for the kitchen. It's taped to the wall where all the food prep happens.

The routine has become, give thanks, focus on the inspiration, prepare the food, look at the inspiration again, and marvel at all the things we actually DO get to eat!!!

I mean, there's a lot we can eat!!! And the frequency? It reminds me of my pregnant days when I was eating 5-6 meals a day. I guess we are in the process of giving life to something- our new selves.

TODAY'S MIND

Today's mind is blank. I think it's just being passive, just trying to absorb all the new actions that make up the new routine, trying to figure out what the best and most efficient way of doing this is going to be. The morning routine between exercising and cooking took a while, but it's nothing a little organization, and a slightly earlier wake up can't fix. 

Arnaud has huge migraines when he jumps and is understandably not in great spirits in the first hour of the morning. I find myself going into supercalm/superzen mode, in front of him and our testy toddler. Passive brain mode is actually not so bad. 

Bon apetit and rest well tonight... there's another day of PCP coming tomorrow!

Day 7 Body Shots

TODAY'S BODY

jumprope:  wow, I felt like I kept tripping every 8 jumps! but I got through all 500 : )

lunges and push ups: That was a treat not to have them today... what awaits tomorrow?!   

eating:   I had half an amazing panini, but I'm having trouble digesting the white bread!!!!

other:  hmm....

TODAY'S MIND

Found the resistance bands which was a kind of a scavenger hunt.

And Flickr is up....

I wrote Aki from the group ahead the other day about this, in response to one of her posts.

It was a post I could totally relate to. This is my thought for the day, as the body shots go up....

I think our flickr sites are being linked to our blogs now and while I kind of dread that, I just wanted to say...

When I was considering whether or not to do the PCP, I browsed some blogs from people who have completed the process as well as those who are in the middle of it. I came across your blog and thought- wow! she's got a lot of courage to post bikini shots, but then realised it's the best way to see the progress over the period of 40 days.
Confession: When I decided to do the PCP and had to take my day 1 photo, I don't know how many outfits I went through! There was the short sock issue like you mention in your post as well as the short tops, where the workout leggings stop on your legs, not to mention my muffin top, etc etc. I worked in fashion for a long time, so the way my mind works in that sense, made it even worse.
But then I realized, while the photos are available for everyone to see, I'm doing this for me. And I should choose whatever will help me to actually see the transformation the best. And to remember that people are more likely to focus on wow!ing your progress rather and being judgmental of our shape, whether it's in the beginning, middle, or end. At the end of the day, I realized that everyone is coming to this space to be supportive, and the person most likely to be judgemental is- ourselves.
Just wanted to say thanks for this great post and for inspiring me to just embrace the way I am!!!

Feel so lucky that we have not only each other to share progress, thoughts, frustrations and worries- but the guys who have plowed through in the groups ahead! 

Here's to a great week 2 you guys!!!!!!

Days 5 and 6: Xray Vision [WARNING: EXPLICIT IMAGES (of unPCP food)]

TODAY'S BODY

jumprope:  I love doing this outside! My sets are still not consistent, so I'm wondering how tomorrow will fare! 

Arnaud really didn't like the light rope I ordered from Amazon so he bought a heavier one. I'm wondering whether it makes a difference. I think I need to find a new surface... going to look into a padded astroturf mat- maybe an oversized doormat, as per the astroturf suggestion from Ricky.

lunges and push ups:  Not sure whether it's recommended from a yogic or fitness standpoint, but I start with a yoga warm up inside (spinal flex series, frog pose, sat kriya) step outside for the jumprope, then come back inside and do the lunges and push ups to upbeat yoga music on the yoga mat. I've started a PCP Playlist on iTunes, which has been great to warm up and work out to. For the rest intervals between lunges, I go into a wide legged forward bend, and child pose between the intervals between push ups. Then from there, I resume my usual yoga routine. 

For some reason, I find that I'm a lot more energized than I am after my usual yoga routine when I combine the yoga with the PCP week one drill. I've often been surprised because I come into contact with poses or sequences in yoga class which I'd always thought were warm up stretches or fitness routines.... so I figured combining the two would not really be a problem. I was surprised, for example, to find the leg lifts in yoga class! I guess what really works is universal and can go from one context to another. I guess I should ask Patrick about this, just to make sure, though.

eating:   Everything went so well until the weekend!!! During Days 1-4,  I was eating half of what were small meals, but the 5 and 6 were all about eating half of either quite large, dense,  or decadent meals. 

Day 5  / Breakfast: The last run of egg yolk for a while,  probably... with a side of steamed salmon, broccoli flowers,

 90% rye bread. Other (larger) half  of everything: on Arnaud's plate.

Day 6  / Decadance: The aftermath of an authentic Italian ciocolatta from a fountain, made from real gianduja. 

This too, a last for a long time to come. Shared with Arnaud, but this time I had the bigger half.

 I'm getting full just looking at this now.  A spoonful really would have sufficed.

The weekend also brought half glasses of wine, which I thought were going to feel like teaspoons of wine, but I actually got kind of drunk! Even though I stuck to eating half meals, I found myself in food comas, looking and feeling puffier than usual this weekend, which I really hated. I should remember the ugh factor I'm feeling now....

other: Had sudden and sharp back pain... going to acupuncture tomorrow, if I can get a booking. But this is unrelated to the exercises, it always happens to me comes when I don't get enough sleep.

help, please!!: If anyone could direct me to a link or give info on where to buy resistance bands (as well as the name of the make) I would really appreciate it! Paul, I read your post and went directly to Donki, but unfortunately couldn't find anything with handles... Part of me says, it was probably way high, past my field of vision!!!! (I'm short.) I'll try Tokyu Hands tomorrow.

TODAY'S MIND

Being off alcohol, refined sugar and going easy on the salt, I've been looking in the mirror in the mornings and thinking, "Wow! You look great! Cheekbones!" That’s of course an exaggeration and an AM solo pep talk. It's so infinitesimal that only I can notice the difference, but I actually think my skin was looking a millishade brighter and less puffy from retaining less water thanks to the new diet and the exercise (..until I did the large, dense, and decadent half meals).  

... and even if it IS an exaggeration, anything to make me think I'm starting to see results, is fine with me!!!  I actually think I am starting to see past the first layer with a kind of PCP Xray vision- seeing myself the way I want to be in the final week photo. 

Day 4 - The Fine Print

TODAY'S BODY

jumprope:  In my sleepy state yesterday, and the light background, I didn't realize it was 60 x 5, until I started reading some of your posts. oops. Did the 60 x 5 today, and an extra set to assuage the guilt. I sail through some of the sets and in the others, it was every 5-8 jumps where I felt like a clumsy meatball tangled in some spaghetti.

lunges:   This too, I was looking at the pdf, and asked myself, "Why is Patrick standing in the first picture?" Oooooh. You're supposed to come back to the standing position after the lunge. No wonder everyone is sore! For a couple of days, I had this false sense of, "wow, I must be in better shape than I thought!" My thighs and gluts are gonna be sore tomorrow.

push ups:  Tried with the push up handles. Question: Which is better, doing a deeper push up with knees down, or shallow ones with knees off the floor? Feel like better form and better workout with the knees down...  

eating:   So far so good... except water and herbal teas. Do we halve these too?

other: Took a hot bath with some aromatherapy oils (i used rosemary, geranium, frankincense) after the not so baby went down. Stretched in the tub a little,  and soaked while I read. ahhhhhh.

TODAY'S MIND

I'm disappointed with myself today. With Arnaud away this morning and an unusually early am appointment (booked it forgetting he would not be able to do the morning school run), I went into panic mode and became unnecessarily curt with my daughter this morning. I'm finding it very challenging to balance my own priorities, quality time with my husband, work commitments, and the terrible twos...
I chose yoga as my special activity, since it's supposed to teach us to breathe through difficult moments (it does) but... I'd forgotten about all of that struggling to get my daughter dressed and out the door!!! Even without having threatened with any consequences, counting to three usually sends my daughter in a straight beeline towards whatever she's being asked to do, but I guess I should actually use that time to take three deep inhalations for myself. aaaargh... Well, hopefully, putting this thought down in writing will make it more concrete and help me to remember next time!
I figure that since the body will be undergoing so many different changes (physical, chemical, and probably hormonal too!), I'd better do something that'll help me deal with the shift and discomfort, too.

REMINDER TO SELF:

Read the pdf's more carefully. If I miss something, don't sweat it. Just breathe.

Have a great weekend, you guys!